amidst the beauty
of petals unfurling
a thorn waits patiently
down the stem
to remind us all
that you cannot
without the pain
that comes from
penetrating the heart
with the truth
as all illusions
we are one step ahead
and three steps behind
where we could be
if we let
the world be
in all of it’s natural diversity.
we are one step ahead
and four steps sideways
at a time
of great upheaval.
are we willing to remember
what it means to surrender
to that which
seeks no hold on control
and at the same time
that if we do not
move towards liberty
freedom & justice
for all -
all we really do
is stay trapped
in the makings
of colonial conditions
as power over
in the name of forward motion
towards “progress” & “developement”.
as some would say,
this late game stage
is nearing the point of no return -
it’s crashing & crumbling
but no-one really wants you to know this -
and barely a soul
will be able to hold
onto the way of life
we walk in today.
things are changing
slowly and quickly -
in small ways and with great vastness -
we are collectively
by forces much grander
than any kind of political system,
to move beyond this phase
of disaster making
so we can step directly
into the unknown
intricate workings of the mystery.
are you with me still?
can you let your finger
be pricked by the thorn
so your own life force
can be released
into the energies
can you allow yourself
the chance to wake up
to a new way being
and a new way of seeing
and a new way of imagining
a way of life
on this planet
that honours & respects
the sacredness of all existence?
“If we aren’t in love, what are we?” she asked finally.
“I’m not sure,” I said.
“You really don’t think we’re in love?”
“Time matters to love. It’s what changes everything.”
“Then what is this feeling?”
“It’s the wanting to be in love, I believe.” - excerpt from If We Aren’t In Love by Evan L. Klein
This conversation makes me wonder how many times I’ve confused the wanting to be in love, with the actuality of being in love, or even if it’s possible to want something that doesn’t already exist. I have a strong notion that whatever it is we want in the world, is already in existence, already within our grasp, if we could just find the way to open to it, to let it in. I feel that there is no difference between this concept of “being in love” and simply being love. If we are being love, in our everyday existence, how would it be possible not to be in love with all we come into contact with. Once we come to a place with being in love with life, with existence itself, then we are in love with everything.
Of course there are times when we encounter another soul with whom we experience this love towards, only to find that it’s not reciprocated. Not everyone is loving on the same levels or in the same way that we are. This doesn’t mean that our love for that person is futile or a waste of energy. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over time is that to express or experience love without it being returned or reciprocated, or even received, still builds love within myself. In this sense, the love that we send out to another person, who perhaps isn’t in a place to receive it, can have a boomerang effect, coming back to land in our own hearts again - allowing us to experience, if we will, a greater sense of self love. Mostly we end up loving another person for what they bring out in us, whether it’s a feeling of opening up, expanding or blossoming, or a reflection we see in them that shines a light on a part of ourselves that we may have ignored until that point of seeing it in them - this is an amazing gift in itself, regardless of whether the outcome of that loving feeling results in the scenario that we’ve projected into the moment.
My father once said that we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with, but we do get to choose who we spend our lives with. Therefore, I feel that we can live our lives in love with all that comes onto our path, yet we get to choose how we foster those relationships. We can love it all, and still have the choice on how we will express that love. Not all love leads to intimacy. Some love is expressed and felt from afar - where there is no chance to delve into the intimate connection that the energy of love could potentially foster - but that doesn’t mean that love itself doesn’t exist in that situation - it is ever present, regardless of any actions or inactions.
Over the last few years, I’ve done a lot of self study on the topic of relationships. One such piece of information that stands out is the idea of whether a person can fall out of being in love. Many of us have been on the giving or receiving end of this comment: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”. An article I read ages ago, stated that the author, who is the founder of The Relationship School and creator and host of The Relationship School podcast, believes this statement to be utter bullshit. He feels that this statement is a complete cop-out of facing our own blocks around the concept of love and intimacy. In a similar vein of truth as my own around there being no difference between being “in love” and “being love” itself, this statement really only reflects our inability to hold the concept of love as something that simply exists and can change in the way it manifests over time, as far as how it makes us feel and how we react to it, depending on our own path of growth and what traumas and blockages we encounter along the way.
One thing that often comes up and is spoken alongside that first statement of “I love you but I’m not in love with your anymore” is the idea that “something is missing”. I’ve also been on the receiving end of that statement. Upon some deep inner reflection, I’ve found that the thing that is most often missing, is the willingness and ability to show up to that person in an authentic and vulnerable way - so in essence, what is missing, is the truth. What is missing is the ability to access and witness the absolute core of that other person, or perhaps the ability to access and witness the absolute core of who we are. From my experience, usually, by the time a relationship has reached the point where this conversation arises, both people in question have slowly been shutting down and putting up walls, creating a lack of vulnerability and authenticity. It’s common and normal for this to happen as most of us carry a lot of our past experiences into the present moment and can easily confuse the fear and hurt that is born from past trauma, with what is happening in the present moment. But just because it is common and normal, doesn’t mean that we have to stay living within these detrimental cycles and patterns.
I believe people come into our lives to help teach us things about ourselves so that we can show up in the world as the most true versions of who we are beyond all of the conditioning, expectations and wounds (both big and small) that have been inflicted upon us since the time we incarnated into this human form. I’ve found that three of the most important tools to carry with me and use on a regular basis are patience, compassion and grace. Not only are these tools handy to have when relating with other people, they are also extremely handy when it comes to relating to ourselves.
I had a teacher once tell me that an easy route to self compassion was to practice compassion with others. This might seem like a backwards route to take, because we may question how we could have compassion for another before we can feel it for ourselves, but if we look at the notion that most of us are way harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else, trying to start with self compassion would be the biggest challenge. What I have found through this practice of developing compassion for others, is that I have ignited, and over time deepened my self compassion simply by experiencing the feeling towards others. This works for me because I have a strong notion that on an energetic level, every single thing that exists in this universe is intricately connected. So, when I practice compassion for another, in essence, at the same time, I am also practicing self compassion.
Two of the people that I am closest to at this time in my life (and have been for quite some time!) have recently said things that kind of surprised me, but at the same time reaffirmed that the tools I have been working with for many years have not been used with futility. One of these people said that she feels I am the most patient person she knows. Wow, I take that as a giant compliment, and attribute it to many years of consciously choosing to walk the path of patience and understanding. One of the things that has helped me on this path is the choice to come from a place of responding, rather than reacting. This leads into the tool of grace. With choosing to use grace as a tool in my life, my understating of the importance of slowing down and accessing my true feelings in a situation, has resulted in me being much less reactive. My sister (one of the people I am closest to) and I were discussing a situation and whether the person in question would be bothered if we chose to move forward with our plan, and I said, “well, if it was me in that situation, I feel like I would be grateful that you made that choice and did that thing” and she said “well, yeah, but you are quite an exception”. I don’t know if she knows how much that touched me, for her to recognize the way that I generally respond to life in a non reactive manner really meant a lot to me. I feel it touched me in a particularly strong way because she is also one of the people in my life who reflects back to me all of the places in myself that I have yet to find compassion for. Family members are really great at this!
To loop back to the beginning, tying it all together - all of these practices and tools that I use, have helped me come to a place of experiencing love as a never ending energetic source. We cannot want to “be in love” if we are already ‘being love”. We cannot fall out of love, if we are love itself.
This post was written in April 2019...since I'm in a constant space of transformation, I'm not sure if all of these words ring true to my heart still...but they are there and I figured I'd share them!
Dear Women & Femmes of the World
We are not here to compete.
WE are are take the notion of competition and make it obsolete.
There is more than enough love to share between the hearts and souls of us all.
And this love that I speak of is standing tall in our own sense of self worth.
This love is the love we can feel when we open to the abundance of our sprits co-existing.
We are spiritual in nature, and at the same time, we have been given the opportunity; the choice to experience this life as psychical beings.
We are able to connect to the source and see that there is enough love in this universe for both you and me.
We can drop the thoughts that arise out of fear; they are doing nothing but creating our own demise.
Drop the lies we’ve told ourselves and had battered into our minds.
Drop the idea that we must fight for the right to be loved and cherished and treated like the divine beings that we are.
We must remember, RIGHT NOW to start seeing ourselves and each other as one another.
We have all been born with the light in our hearts that is in itself true love.
WE are here to share this blessed opportunity that is so rare.
To step away from separation into true unity.
I remind you!
WE are not here to compete.
WE are here to take the notion of competition and make it obsolete.
We are here to stand…hand upon hand upon hand,
giving and receiving, in perfect balance with the universal forces of this star creation.
We are here to sit, arm in arm, in arm, in arm.
Re-framing the picture in our minds to blur the lines of yours and mine.
We are here to love with all that our hearts have to give.
To live in harmony and bliss.
I choose to seal myself to this fate with a tender kiss.
I choose to relate with sense that there is indeed enough love to go around.
I choose to stand upon this ground and feel the love that pulses forth from the Earth herself.
I choose love.
That is the choice that I have made.
I’ve laid in the sweet embrace of universal love.
poem circa 2016/2017 - felt like a good time to remember the importance of unity.
rising from the ashes
the birch song can be heard
on the wind as it winds its way
through leaves and trees
still standing after the fires
took their rage
and spilled it on the land.
the sound of wings overhead
as birds fly beyond the eye of the storm.
rising rising rising.
gentle overtones of melodies
amongst the living and the newly dead.
death and rebirth
will continue to flourish -
cycles never ending
only changing and shifting
and drifting down gullies
as streams and rivers
run wild over rocks and stones
and pebbles and gold.
the birch song takes hold
in the hearts of those who walk
softly and gently upon the earth -
and those too who dance fervently
and with abandon of inhibitions.
we can visit those who have gone beyond
by opening to the knowing
of all and none,
of one and all,
of energy that never leaves,
never ceases to exist.
deep drumming and thrumming
resonating beneath the dirt
below our feet -
roots tangled with the wild abandon
of the call of the soul
as it dances and dreams -
whirling and spinning -
opening to give and to receive -
unlearning to believe again.
First things first, stop buying shit just for the sake of buying shit.
Get real with yourself about what you are spending your money on. Know where your dollars are going.
Begin to understand that everything you buy has it’s own story attached to it - are you willing to hear the story of whatever it is you are buying? Or would it be more convenient to not hear the story because it might ruin your buyers high?
Imagine we all immediately ceased purchasing new items. Imagine the impact this would have on the global constructs of capitalism. Just imagine. Imagine how much more valuable everything you currently own would become, knowing that there would be no replacing it with a new item. Imagine how we would begin to move more towards fixing items, up-cycling items, re-using items. Imagine the ingenuity that would ensue.
Could we commit to a world where we weren’t always upgrading our technology, our vehicles, our wardrobes, mostly just for the fuck of it, because we can?!?
Could we give up bigger and better and faster and “more efficient”, for smaller and good enough and slower and “maybe I don’t need that”?
Imagine a life of equity, where everyone on this planet had exactly what they NEED to live a good healthy life.
We don’t all need the same things.
We probably know that by now.
We are unique beings with unique needs.
Some of us have more than we need. Some of have way less than we need. Some of us have a little bit more than we need. Some of us have almost enough of what we need. Some of us have way more than we could ever imagine needing.
Here in the north western hemisphere, we are mostly all sick with a nasty, virile dis-ease called capitalism. Perhaps capitalism is a direct result of colonialism. Perhaps colonialism is direct result of the patriarchy. Perhaps the patriarchy is a direct result of the loss of connection to spirit. Perhaps the loss of connection to spirit is a direct result of the burning, hanging, & drowning of the “witches” way back when. Perhaps cultural genocide has been perpetuated so as to eradicate anything or anyone who might stand in the way of capitalistic takeover. Perhaps or perhaps not. The history in my mind is certainly different than the history I learned in school.
One things I do know for sure - we are neck deep in a crisis of the spirit. I say neck deep because the neck is directly related to the throat. Most of us have major imbalances of the throat. We are either over-talkers, or scared shitless of speaking our mind aloud. We all have our own reasons for this common human condition of throat imbalance.
Imagine as we balanced our throats, we learned to listen better.
Imagine we started to listen to the spirit that exists in all things.
Imagine we could sit quietly and still enough to hear the murmurings of our own spirits.
Imagine that having a connection to spirit fulfilled us in ways that buying shit we don’t need ever could.
Imagine we learned to listen better.
To the trees and the streams and the earth beneath our feet.
Imagine we began to learn about the sacredness of all life.
Imagine we started to act in ways that honoured the sacredness of all life.
Imagine we lived in ways that looked beyond what the eyes can see.
Imagine we learned to truly feel again.
Imagine a human species that was no longer de-sensitized to destruction and violence.
Imagine we actually felt the suffering of our brothers, our sisters, our neighbours.
Imagine what we would do if we truly felt that suffering.
Imagine we began to act in more ways that brought relief and care and resources to our suffering brothers, sisters & neighbours, because we began to realize that when one suffers, we all suffer.
Imagine a world where we didn’t simply try to save one another, and instead took the time and care to learn what the other needs, and then we shared what we could based on their true needs, and our true ability to give.
Imagine a world where all human’s were considered gifts.
Imagine a world where all human’s gifts were of equal value and worth to the collective whole.
Imagine that time became the new currency, because at least in each day, we all have the same amount.
Imagine what you would do with your time if it became the most valuable thing you had.
Now, if you can, go do that.
Time is already the one true currency that we share.
Time is already the most valuable thing each one of us has.
Our intangible human gifts are the things that will make this world turn into a better version of itself than is currently present, if they are so freely given, as they have been given to each one of us to bring forth into this world.
Perhaps it is the gifts of our human spirit that will burn the wobbly constructs of capitalism to the ground - if we so dare use them.
pop over to the poetry book page to get yourself a copy of this entire e-book.
what is the purpose of ego?
the ego is one of the vehicles with which we use a force to “drive”, “propel”, “move” through life.
when connected to the heart, the spirit, the body, the mind - the ego works in a balanced manner.
it is neither good nor bad.
it simply just is, in it’s natural & balanced state.
the ego serves to inspire forward movement, or movement towards one’s playing/acting out of one’s purpose.
it we were to live without ego at all, we would come to a standstill, and while some try to attain an egoless state, this is impossible in the human form.
if we try to erase a part of ourselves, we do just that - we sever a piece of us that is here and part of us as an ally, an in integral part of who we are in our wholeness.
the key with ego is to be able to come to place where the ego is balanced with the rest of our being - where it is a piece of the whole - welcome to be integrated with all the other aspects of what create the totality of our humanness.
let the ego and the heart speak to one another.
let the ego and the soul dance with one another.
let the ego and the body be kind to one another.
let the ego and the spirit play with one another.
let it be. kind. heartfelt. spirited & free. let it be. let it be. let it be.
sometimes i sob
as i remember by commitment
to being of service to the earth
and to humanity as a whole -
sometimes my hearts aches
with all the pain
i step into
for the collective healing of the world.
sometimes my mind widens
with thoughts of compassion and grace -
as i face all the demons that still exist within.
sometimes the verses cannot be seen -
or the songs cannot be heard,
just as the curses & the blessings cannot be explained
with words in a language
that is disconnected from the earth itself.
i came to this life with love in my heart and deep peace in my soul.
as things unfolded,
i began to lose myself.
i began to be transformed into what my family and society wanted me to be.
i listened to them because i cared about them,
more than i cared about me.
i gave myself away so many times -
parts of myself being scattered into the world,
for others to hold as they saw fit.
and then one day,
with a heavy heart and a confused mind,
i was reminded -
i began to remember who i came here to be -
i began to see myself from the inside out -
and so my journey back to myself was ignited -
the fire of my life now burns bright.
i am the light.
when you are forced to become intimate with death -
you are presented with the opportunity to open to life
on a deeper level.
a certain fear escapes you and an awareness comes in it’s place.
an awareness of what is at stake when we cease to live fully
from the true depths of our being -
courage is transferred from the dead into the living -
so we can cease to waste the gift of precious breath -
potential relationships -
dreams that are asking to be awakened.
a gift is granted in the absence of one life to the presence of another.
just as life is not something to “get over with”,
death itself is not something to get over.
death is asking to be lived
in the very spirit of every passing gust of wind -
every inhale -
every exhale -
death reveals the tender parts of ourselves
and helps us meld flesh + bones with spirit + ether.
morgan leigh callison
mostly i write to remind myself what it means to be me. it is through words, my soul finds expression & my mind finds a place for form to take shape.