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sometimes i sob
as i remember by commitment to being of service to the earth and to humanity as a whole - sometimes my hearts aches with all the pain i step into for the collective healing of the world. sometimes my mind widens with thoughts of compassion and grace - as i face all the demons that still exist within. sometimes the verses cannot be seen - or the songs cannot be heard, just as the curses & the blessings cannot be explained with words in a language that is disconnected from the earth itself.
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i came to this life with love in my heart and deep peace in my soul.
as things unfolded, i began to lose myself. i began to be transformed into what my family and society wanted me to be. i listened to them because i cared about them, more than i cared about me. i gave myself away so many times - parts of myself being scattered into the world, for others to hold as they saw fit. and then one day, with a heavy heart and a confused mind, i was reminded - i began to remember who i came here to be - i began to see myself from the inside out - and so my journey back to myself was ignited - the fire of my life now burns bright. i am the light. when you are forced to become intimate with death -
you are presented with the opportunity to open to life on a deeper level. a certain fear escapes you and an awareness comes in it’s place. an awareness of what is at stake when we cease to live fully from the true depths of our being - courage is transferred from the dead into the living - so we can cease to waste the gift of precious breath - potential relationships - dreams that are asking to be awakened. a gift is granted in the absence of one life to the presence of another. just as life is not something to “get over with”, death itself is not something to get over. death is asking to be lived in the very spirit of every passing gust of wind - every inhale - every exhale - death reveals the tender parts of ourselves and helps us meld flesh + bones with spirit + ether. the world we live in is sacred & holy.
as humans, we have been told we are separate from the natural rhythms of the Earth. we have been told it is a curse to believe in that which we cannot see - we have been told to ignore the impulse to live with our spirits as our driving force - of course, i don't believe any of this to be true. i know that both me and you are sons & daughters of the universe - we are special & real and i feel that this whole deal of being human and alive is a reminder of our own sacred existence. yes, this world is sacred & holy - any and all. i can hear the call of spirit and soul - yes, this world is sacred & holy. where do we go from here?
into our hearts. into the centre of our existence on earth. into the fear. into the face of it all. we find love and ease and grace. we find the music of our souls. we hold truth. i swear when i look to the mountains, they appear to hold their beauty with greater strength. i swear when i look to the trees - they say thank you, and please, remember to stay connected to the source of it all. i despise the patriarchy -
all the ways this system of oppression has seeped into the seems of my existence - i despise the way the patriarchy has taken the ruling view of the way we tend to see one another and made it so equality could not, does not exist within this system of classes - this system that takes colour & religion and spins it to be what defines our humanity. i despise the patriarchy and all the ways it has made it nearly impossible to live in a just & equal world where all have what they need to live a life beyond strife & suffering because of lack of access to basic fundamental needs. i despise the patriarchy and the perpetual greed it so eagerly feeds. i love the patriarchy - for it has shown me where i need to get more clear on what it is i care about - i love the patriarchy for the resilience it has fostered in my quest for equality - i love the patriarchy for the ways it has made me grow beyond a quiet & meek version of myself - for the ways in which love seeped into my being from seeing the injustice that prevails in the wake of this system of oppression - i love the patriarchy for teaching me compassion - for i know, deep inside my soul, not one man in his right heart would seek to oppress & control - and so i learn through this where i might not be quite right in my heart - a chance to learn - a lesson earned from the willingness to see the truth of all matters at hand. i have no care or concern for the patriarchy - i am neutral to this system of oppressive worldly behaviour. i choose to cease the giving of my energy in either hate or love - and instead i stand neutral with an inclination to forge my own way - releasing myself more & more everyday from the the grips it holds on my mind - and from the vampiric tethers to my soul - i am neutral and therefore cannot be held - i untangle myself in all the ways i know how. i feel no hate, no love - just a side-slipping grin that silently speaks the liberation and freedom of a woman who has walked through the fire - and reclaimed her wild desire. small voice.
truth & wisdom. truth on scrolls of the heart. awaken. peace & harmony. let your light shine. ++++++++++++++++ attune. stay true. heart centre. destiny of the light. ++++++++++++++++ yes. voice within. inner being. break all bonds. beloved dwells. awaken. ray of radiant light.  to all the ones who have encouraged me to open:
thank you for prying at my heart, for the sensing that there was something in there wanting and needing to get out. thank you for asking the questions that helped me open up instead of shut down. thank you for patience as i found my voice - often through the onslaught of tears that would normally pour forth before the words could be formed. thank you for caring enough about me to take the time and the energy to see me come open. unfolding like a flower, ready to bloom, yet still resisting the warmth of the sun that awaited the arrival of the exposed inner petals - as one and then two and then three layers of me came to be free. there are times when i like to be soft & gentle, just unto myself - feeling & thoughts that are happy to simply float within my own being - and then there are times I need to release what resides inside and in those moments i give thanks for the hands and the hearts and the hugs that hold my emotions & me ever so tenderly. |
morgan leigh callisonmostly i write to remind myself what it means to be me. it is through words, my soul finds expression & my mind finds a place for form to take shape. Archives
November 2020
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