most epic poem of 2021

light seeps in
as dreams
fall forward
into the now.
love yourself so fiercely
that even the moon cries
tears of joy
when it looks upon you -
dancing beneath the light
it casts into the night.
where does the sun go
when it no longer knows
whose hands hold it
in it’s place in the sky.
we are knee deep in a spiritual crisis.
he asks me
if i’ve had
long term relations.
i’m sorry
for the way
this world is.
i spoke of true reciprocity
and then she tells me
she has been ruminating
on this notion
and is curious
as to what it means to me.
i spare no-one around me
the comfort of living an “ordinary” life.
7 minutes to midnight
eve of the leo full moon
coyotes howl
a familial
familiar cacophony
of the wild calls of nature.
i drop into the knowing of me
by releasing the knowing of you.
stop casting your net wide
before you have truly learned
to hold yourself within your own weave.
you do realize right
that the human experience
is not about fighting?
whatever you choose to do -
do it fully.
every year approximately 7 million people worldwide die
from air pollution related illness & disease.
some people are terrible spellers of this language of english.
we are in the midst of a massive collective baptism
so to speak.
she says to get over it.
not sorry to say
we no longer live in a
“get over it” world.
sometimes it’s the very thing
that we believe to be our lifeline
that is actually the very thing destroying us.
the spirit of humanity reaches
deep into my being
as i stand
hands submerged
in the soapy waters of rose
and kitchen debris -
eyes on the treed horizon
as the sky turns
soft shades of petaled pink.
big cat energy
stalking what once was
stealthing for what is to be
moving silently
on the paws of digression
flashing eyesscanning the horizon
limitless potential
for change
and a world
in constant rearrange.
make no mistake.
when you and i
merge our bodies
to become for a moment in time
united as one -
our essences will mix
and all the opening
that is happening for one
will want to happen for both -
all of the awareness
that exists in one
will want to be the awareness of two.
this has been said a thousand time already
by a thousand different souls
who are neither more or less qualified than me to speak this truth.
she said that someone
told her friend
that orange & red
were not as spiritual
as purple and pink.
we have been force fed
a narrative
that money equals freedom.
i’m tired.
how is it
i wonder
at 4:17am
have i so many times
been relegated
into the position
of the other woman?
shattered.
there is an emptiness insidethat i keep trying to fill
but it doesn’t want to be filled.
there is no true neutral.
we set ourselves up to stay stuck
when we claim to know
how we will feel
in a future situation.
it’s never about loyalty to someone else.
whenever there is a hierarchy at play,
whether spoken of or not -
a space of inequality is created.
why push away
when we could pull in instead.
i cannot fully understand
if dealing with the feelings
that arise from not being included
is just something i never learned
or if perhaps the need to exclude
is a shadow side of humanity
that i am being asked to witness
from the perspective
of the one being excluded
so that i may bring this human trait
to the surface of conscious awareness
so it may be transformed
by the acknowledgement
of how much pain and suffering is created
when one person or one group
or a whole society
chooses to close the doors
on another person or a group
or a whole society.
diamond fire
blaze through my heart
light the dark corners
and the nearly missed crevices
that hold all the secrets
of what it means to be me.
as the rains fall from the sky
and tears drip from my eyes
i feel love slipping away -
loosening it’s grip on my heart.
she assured me
with no doubt in her mind
that not all who cross my path
will know what it means
to love without conditions -
to love without restrictions.
it’s a new moon in aries.
where does the world go
when we try to hide
from our own realities.
today if i were to take
all the advice i like
to doll out
i would say to myself:
“trust when they tell
you deserve more” -
because you do.
until this day -
i was under the impression
that womanizing
was an act of consciousness.
social arsonist -
you will burn yourself
just as much as you burn all else.
how does one
feel such disgust
for the same person
they so recently
trusted with their whole heart.
when an option exists
for forgiveness -
i am not one
to carry hurt
in my heart.
i choose to release
the need to feel
as though the way
people treat me
is a personal affront.
i don’t need fix this
i don’t need to react
i just need to hear them.
in matters of the heart
the only thing worth avoiding
is avoidance itself.
starting on a fresh page,
no lines in sight -
most of us still adhere
to the western rule of left to right.
sometimes liberation
strikes the heart
like a sword of truth
from the very belly
of the earth.
why did you put me on a throne
just to later knock me off?
fuck you for fucking with my heart.
the other woman,
no, he assures me
i am nothing of the sorts -
fully integrated part of the equation.
i thought that if i dated
someone who was friends with my family -
someone who i had known for half my life -
i would be immune to the
“fuck ‘em & chuck ‘em” syndrome
that is so prevalent
in our relational culture these days.
empty the sky
of your tears
dear child.
allow yourself to touch the freedom you know lives in your heart -
the freedom that gives you permission to love even amidst the pain -
to keep your heart wide open even when the shadows scream for it to remain closed.
violet voice of transcendence.
you see me as spiritual.
i asked myself to expand
and his hands
reached for mine
and her hands
became outstretched
on the limbs
of her sacred existence.
as we walk our hearts back to the centre of the earth -
we bring compassion
to the birth place of humanity.
the trees.
you cannot take my light.
moths to a flame.
words without follow through
are empty.
i did not come here to be wrapped in criticism.
have i ever let myself be fully loved?
if i am to claim anything as my own,
i will claim my sacredness.
awareness equals healing.
what does self love have to do with it?
i will be an example of the world
i want to live in.
dear full moon in aquarius,
on this eve,
into this fire,
into these waters,
upon this earth,with the spirit of the land energetically enveloped around me -
i release any and all barriers and/or restrictions
that are hindering any personal fulfilment
of deep and fulfilling community connections,
partnerships of all kinds,
& nourishing relationships based in reciprocity.
i’ve given my love,
the care of my heart
to too many people
who have not known
what to do with it,
who to be with it,
how to care for it.
i want you to know
how beautiful i think you are.
i see your soul shining through
all the expressions
that show up on your face.
unrush yourself.
for me,
sovereignty is being ok with being alone.
i have zero desire to “go into space”
as i am already fully aware
of the magnificence of this human experience
here on earth.
when stardust settles
heart and mind find congruency.
it is only when i forget my connection with nature
that i feel alone,
for how could feel alone
when the trees reach for me
and brush my skin gently
with the tendrils of their arms,
and when they shade me from the sun
on the hottest of days,
asking nothing more from me
than the presence of my being.
anytime i am making a choice
to do something that is out of alignment
with my values,
ultimately,
in that moment,
i am betraying myself.
salt of my sweat
mixes
with salt of my tears
mixes
with salt of the ocean.
stay soft
and
respect the thorn.
if we really knew how much pain
lives inside each one of us,
if we could remember the struggles
that humans encounter in life,
if we could acknowledge our own
and each others suffering
in real ways
and in ways that honour the experience
of that expression of pain
maybe then we could learn to love
our neighbours -
hug our kin that we don’t yet know as kin,
see beyond what some deem sins
and witness each other
as complex creatures
who have all been made
a mess in our societal structures
of racism
and classism
and sexism
and ablism
and capitalism -
these infectious dis-eases of the mind
constantly in effect to manipulate humankind.




*this poem is compilation of the beginning of all the poems i typed onto
my computer this year!